Marital Statuses

Agenda
Jan 2016, Thu

Resemblance Over Time in Marriage

The saying, “spouses resemble each other over time,” often cited as a litmus test for the quality of a marriage, initially evokes the image of a compatible and happy couple, which appeals to us all. But the reality is not so pleasant. Because as spouses transform into each other, that marriage ceases to be a marriage. One cannot fall in love with oneself (narcissism is outside the scope of this discussion). One sees differences in the other person and is drawn to those differences. One loves and wants to spend a lifetime with that difference. Over time, one finds no topic to discuss with a spouse who has become like oneself, feels no excitement, and the heart does not race upon touch. That attraction ends. Does one get drawn to oneself?

What We Should Do in Marriage

Instead of trying to change our spouse, we should strive for them to remain as they are. The quality of a marriage is achieved when spouses remain themselves. Let us not forget that it was their unique self that we loved, that we liked. We must know and respect that they are a separate and different individual from us.